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Asunto: »Funny Things
OK. Here we go:
Bula (our popular hero) comes on a visit to his grandmother. She's asking him: "What, again there is a fight betwen your mother and your father at your house? "Yes, there is. Mother brought him something like gonorhea, I don't know too well. And she split it to my father, uncle Vasile and our neighbor across the street. Now everyone was screaming and quarrel. And I don't understand: or she brought them too little, or she has not given to all equally?!
Doctors, terrified of what they found in the envelope a patient: only 5 euro.
Romanians, satisfied with the economic situation: it has never been so easy to leave the country.
The Bucharest residents ask for widening gangs for bikers, so that they could have a larger parking lot for their cars.
A talk between two friends: "Brother, you have had one hell of a wedding! Where have you had so much money for it? "Well you know that all the time I secured money for a rainy days ... and here they came!"
Some bonuses from sickipedia:
If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position?
I had to go and identify my wife's body.
"I'm honestly not sure," I said when they pulled back the sheet. "It might help if you shoved a piece of cake in her mouth."
You've got to feel a bit of sympathy for Justin Bieber. He's been to every single Justin Bieber concert.
If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious...
I'd wonder who the f*#k was paying me, and why?
Browser's Incognito Mode: Saving marriages since 2009
After years of trying, my wife told me today we're expecting a daughter.
Finally I can stop all that gay shit with my sons.
Bula (our popular hero) comes on a visit to his grandmother. She's asking him: "What, again there is a fight betwen your mother and your father at your house? "Yes, there is. Mother brought him something like gonorhea, I don't know too well. And she split it to my father, uncle Vasile and our neighbor across the street. Now everyone was screaming and quarrel. And I don't understand: or she brought them too little, or she has not given to all equally?!
Doctors, terrified of what they found in the envelope a patient: only 5 euro.
Romanians, satisfied with the economic situation: it has never been so easy to leave the country.
The Bucharest residents ask for widening gangs for bikers, so that they could have a larger parking lot for their cars.
A talk between two friends: "Brother, you have had one hell of a wedding! Where have you had so much money for it? "Well you know that all the time I secured money for a rainy days ... and here they came!"
Some bonuses from sickipedia:
If God didn't want us to have sex with goats why did he put the horns in such a handy position?
I had to go and identify my wife's body.
"I'm honestly not sure," I said when they pulled back the sheet. "It might help if you shoved a piece of cake in her mouth."
You've got to feel a bit of sympathy for Justin Bieber. He's been to every single Justin Bieber concert.
If I had a pound for every time I got suspicious...
I'd wonder who the f*#k was paying me, and why?
Browser's Incognito Mode: Saving marriages since 2009
After years of trying, my wife told me today we're expecting a daughter.
Finally I can stop all that gay shit with my sons.
The girl: what computer do you have?
The boy: desktop Dell OptiPlex 9020 MT i7-4770 2x1TB 8GB HD8570 1GB W8Pro. You ?
The girl: a pink one ...
The boy: desktop Dell OptiPlex 9020 MT i7-4770 2x1TB 8GB HD8570 1GB W8Pro. You ?
The girl: a pink one ...
Blonde was ran over four men with the car . Stop the officer and asked - Are you crazy ? You ran over four people ! - Blonde asked : How much is allowed?
The minister dies and the congregation decides, after some time, that his widow, should marry again. Since it is a small village the only available candidate is the local butcher. Although very reluctantly, since she was used to living with a bible scholar, she accepts.
After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex."
They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath.
There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night."
Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."
Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?"
"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family."
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ‘Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!’
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!’
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!’
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, ‘Wahhh..... So expensive!’
Thereupon, the driver yelled back the taxi meter: (Yamaha) very fast made in Japan!
A drunk gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says ‘I've got news for you, you're going straight to hell!’
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, ‘Damn, I'm on the wrong bus!’
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who - in his day - had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
‘That's terrific,’ said the hot shot. ‘Got any more tips for me?’
‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the younger man.
‘You bet it will,’ said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
‘Wow,’ exclaimed the cowboy. ‘I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?’
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.’
After the marriage, on Friday night just after taking a bath - the new husband tells his wife, "Look, my mother always said that before the beginning of the weekend it was a blessing to have sex."
They do it and then on Saturday he tells her, "According to my father it is a blessing to have sex during the day before the Sabbath.
There they go again and when it is time to go to sleep he tells her, "My grandfather told me that one should always have sex on Sabbath night."
Finally they go to sleep and when they wake up the next morning he tells her, "My aunt says that a Christian man always starts the Sabbath by having sex. So lets do it."
Finally on Monday she goes out to the market and meets a friend that asks her, "So how is the new husband?"
"Well, an intellectual he isn't, but he comes from a wonderful family."
There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ‘Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!’
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!’
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!’
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, ‘Wahhh..... So expensive!’
Thereupon, the driver yelled back the taxi meter: (Yamaha) very fast made in Japan!
A drunk gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.
She looks the man up and down and says ‘I've got news for you, you're going straight to hell!’
The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, ‘Damn, I'm on the wrong bus!’
In the days of the Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong.
Sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who - in his day - had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked.
The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer.
The young man did as he was told, stood up whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.
‘That's terrific,’ said the hot shot. ‘Got any more tips for me?’
‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the younger man.
‘You bet it will,’ said the old-timer.
The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, then shot a cufflink off the piano player.
‘Wow,’ exclaimed the cowboy. ‘I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?’
The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’
The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.’
‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much.’