Asunto: »[NON-NT]Nanook

I believe I am the most qualified (other than KY Cats) because I am prepared to promise something ot everyone. As a reminder, I am running for NT coach of every country (assuming the Sokker G-ds are willing to permit it). My platform to date is:

1) Mediocrity rules, so every team gets ties in every game;
2) Everyone gets a new pair of cleats, because looking good is critical to success in life.
3) A chicken in every pot (hopefully, an American out there recognizes that quote).
4) Universal good healthcare only for players I like. Players I don't like get rusty scalpels and used bandaids.
5) Americans like cleanliness, so I’ll provide all players with Extra Strength deodorant. I will also force the … hygienically challenged … to shower after every game.

Will there be a car in every garage?

And a decent car, too. Not some crummy Civic or something ;-)

I plan to be a particularly environmentally concerned NT coach. I believe in alternative fuels. I therefore plan to feed the teams baked beans smothered in heavy cream. The resulting flatulence will poower the team bus. Each player will be given a motorless go-cart, which will be able to be attached to the back of the bus and dragged hither and yon.

Will the NT stadium be located in hither or in yon? I can make it to hither in a couple of hours time but if the matches take place in yon there's no way I can get there to see them.....

If you vote for me, I shall make sure to DEMAND (and as an American, the whole world knows what to do of my "demands") that games be located in hither. Of course, we may have to schedule practice sessions in East Bumf*ck to make sure that the peons get some chances to see our magnificent squad of Footballers.

You would have had my vote, until you called our squad "foodballers". Sounds Ghey.

I do like the deoderant comment platform stance, could you please expand on that? Where will the funding for all of the deoderant come from? Will you put each NT into debt or raise some sort of taxes? Or which other spending will you reduce (schools?)?

Also, what is your opionion of Stokes? Is he or is he not a chick with beauteous manbreasts?

I figured the term sounded impressive to those that are soccer junkies, and that the rest would ignore it. Oh, well.

I am unconcerned about funding. I will ensure that there are a fair share of goons on the team. Growing up as I did a Flyers fan, I have a healthy respect for the usefulness of a butt-kicking or two to win a game. The Hansen Brothers from Slapshot are my heros. I will therefore use said goons as my personal "Anti-stench" unit. Their main job in this role will be to go out to a middle-of-nowhere CVS wherever the team plays (or some other drug store in less civilized nations), beat the crap out of the counter clerk, and steal enough deodorant as is necessary to maintain proper odorous decorum.

Stokes is a girly man. At least I hope so, as my regular team is playing his in the Cup....

Unlike 3 1/2 years ago, I not running for NT coach. Do not vote for me. I believe that I am unqualifed. A vote for me is a wasted vote. I am an unacceptable option. Vote for someone else. Or do not vote. But do not vote for me.

too bad <snicker>. i was liking <choke> your platform <snicker>.

i still won't vote for your not running stance because you once used the term footballers.

I have decided to add a platform plank to my non-candidacy.

I believe that the Swine Flu actually is the beginning stages of an invasion from little aliens from the planet Flugenspaskie. To that end, I believe that any NT team that I am not running should in any event form the vanguard of the newly formed Earth Planetary Environmentally Consciencious Appropriately Impressive Defense Establishment (EPECAIDE for short). The Team should be prepared at any time to drop their shorts, raise their shinguards proudly in the air, and wiggle their ... parts ... at invaders, terrifying the intruders with the team's impressive manliness. Once the aliens are aware of our pulchritude, they will run, taking the Swine Flu with them to terrorize the Martians.

(Stokes, who remains a girly man, shall not participate - his presence will induce laughter, not fear, among the Flugenspaskians, who consequently will not leave).

Behold - another reason not to vote for me.

you have my vote :D

what an AWESOME non-candidacy!

^

I can only conclude that the bump from Dio was designed to allow me to provide further insight into why I do not believe that I should be the NT coach.

Platform element #8:
I am of the unshakable firm belief that the NT should be required to wear spandex undergarments that have special locks precluding their removal by anyone but team mascot Mr. Llama. See, there is no question that players try harder when motivated. Motivation can come in many forms - money, booze, drugs, rock and roll, rusty scuppers, and of course, navel lint.

However, there is one factor that I believe will get players to try harder - gonad pressure. Let's say that we make the team wear spandex underwear that is waaaaay too tight. The squeezing will be uncomfortable. If we tell them that Mr. Llama will not remove said shorts unless they win, then I am certain that even girly man Stokes will run just a bit faster, increasing the average pace rating by one full level. And of course should they lose the game, the shorts stay on, making them all chafed and desperate to urinate for a week, which should lead to much leaping about by the team and amusement from the rest of us.

Do not vote for me.
(editado)

haha and ias i said before you have my vote :D